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We make all kinds of bargains with God to get what we want, but God has already given much more than we can ever repay. And God continues to give us good things as if our bank account were not already overdrawn. |
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Prescription for a Life of Joy
Last week I got a phone
call from the church secretary as I was getting into my car to go to
church. Some man had come to the church because he had a
prescription to fill and had lost his wallet.
Those of you who are
pastors are already doubting the story. I always do, too. My
question, first of all, is what the person really wants the
money for. So I gave my standard answer. Tell him to meet me at
the pharmacy and I will pay for the prescription. I had
never had anyone do so.
Surprisingly, this man
actually did have a prescription to fill. After he got his pills,
he thanked me. He asked me his current burning theological question,
whether it was God who had send him misfortune in order to tell him something.
But he kept saying over
and over and over that he would be in my office Friday to pay me
back. Two Fridays have passed and I have not seen him. If I did,
it would have been the first time someone paid me back from one of
these acts of charity.
They always say they will,
however. I think I know why. They don't want to be beholden to
anyone -- just like everyone else. We are really uncomfortable with the emotion of gratitude.
It is too hard for us just to say "thank you."
At that moment in the Wal-Mart pharmacy, he thought he would pay me back. He needed to believe that he would pay me back. Because otherwise, he was in my debt. He saw himself as a man who made his own way in this world, who was beholden to no one.
So what happens when
someone does something so big for us that we can never possibly pay
them back? If we are uncomfortable with gratitude for the small
things, how do we respond?
We make all kinds of
bargains with God to get what we want, but the truth be told, God has
already given much more than we can ever repay. We talk about it in
our prayers at the offertory, "ourselves our time and our
possessions." And then there is the gift of God's Son, the gift of
new life. So we are really in no position to bargain with God. And
yet God continues to give us good things as if our bank account were
not already overdrawn.
If this man came
back to me for assistance as often as I go to God to ask for things, I
wonder if I would continue to
help him or fill his prescriptions. Probably I would say that he
hadn't paid back the last one, as he had promised.
I almost typed
that we will have to work harder at this gratitude thing. But it is
exactly the opposite. It isn't about working harder. It is about
letting go. We have to let go of any idea of paying back God.
We will have to let go of any notion of settling the score. When we
let go of any notion of being able to pay it back then we are ready
for a life of gratitude. We are ready for a life of joy and
thanksgiving.
Lord,
Here I am with all that you have given we asking for one thing more: the grace just to say thank you and to live in that gratitude. Amen Copyright (c) 2003, The Rev. Dana Reardon. Used by permission. The Rev. Dana Reardon (Mspastor@aol.com) is pastor at St. Paul Evangelical Lutheran Church, Warwick, RI. A lifelong Lutheran, she came to ordained ministry after 21 years in nursing, mostly in pediatric intensive care. She graduated from Lutheran Theological Seminary at Philadelphia in 1998 and served 4 ½ years in Upstate New York before becoming a New Englander. She is still trying to understand the accent. While in the Upstate New York Synod she chaired the Stewardship Team. That began her fascination with what makes stewards -- and more, what makes for generosity. She has three amazing daughters: Pastor Izzo says much of what she knows of life she learned from them.
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